I came across this great article today. I could totally relate. Here are a few quotes.
I tend to be one of those people who are more comfortable giving in relationships. So when I have no choice but to be on the receiving end, it makes me squirm. I know love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs (or last-minute jump starts), but all the same, I balk at feeling as if I owe someone.
Besides, if I’m really honest with myself, it’s not just the sense of physical dependence on others that bothers me. It’s also the fear of being emotionally high maintenance.
As I wrestle with my fear of being a burden, though, it occurs to me that maybe the very thing that makes me feel high maintenance—my single-woman status—might be what enables me to be there for my community in ways I wouldn’t be able to otherwise. I may not be able to change my friends’ tires for them, but I can go to their house at the last minute to watch their kids in an emergency. I can use my vacation days to help a nonprofit organization in a third-world country. I can get involved somewhere in the evening without fear of interfering with the family dinner.
If we could do everything on our own and fly solo as fully functioning individuals, we’d never become the body of Christ we were intended to be. And there’s the upside to our high-maintenance tendencies: They serve as God’s reminders of our need for community and, ultimately, our need for him. And that’s true whether we’re male or female, young or old, married or single, car mechanic or otherwise.
I’m going to be put out during the surgery. Two of my teeth are impacted, so I really didn’t have any other option, and as much as I fear this, I’m much less afraid of this, than I am of Fear #1, and I think I’d have a nervous break down if I had to be awake for it. So in that regard I’m okay with it.
So how does this relate to my fear. I’m not as concerned about during the surgery, it’s the coming out from the anesthesia when your still a little loopy. I can’t stand the thought of not being entirely in control of my own self.
Along the same lines, I have never been drunk, nor do I think it’s likely I ever will be. The thought is in NO WAY appealing to me. I don’t understand why anyone would want to be in a place where they are not in complete control of what they say and do.
So I am not looking forward to that part, and it scares me.
I’m a pretty independent girl. I live by myself, and I’m single and 30, I’ve learned to take care of the things I need myself. I have been known to rearrange all of my furniture by myself, because I don’t want to ask anyone for help.
Really though, I think this has to do with a deeper fear of being too needy. I’m always concerned that I’m going to be told I’m expecting too much. That I need to figure it out on my own. That people don’t really want to help.
I feel like I’m the only one responsible for me, so it’s my job to take care of me, and I’m not supposed to ever need help. So for the most part I don’t ever ask.
I’m not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but me. My guess it a lot of people can relate, but I’m not sure if I’m explaining it very well.
Anyway, I’m having to get over it because I know I’m going to be rather out of it after my surgery. I have been told, that someone needs to come with me to surgery, stay during the procedure, take me home afterwards and be with me that day, and overnight. I realize I’m not going to be able to do everything for myself, so I’m just having to suck it up and ask for help.
BTW, my sister-in-law is going to take me, stay, and bring me home. My mother is going to come down late that evening to stay the night with me, but I do need some people to fill the gap, between when my sister-in-law will need to leave, and my mom will get there. I promise to rent some movies, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll be any fun. Sorry.
Ok, so I’m not afraid of teeth in and of themselves, but the idea of the tooth being removed, and the roots is what just totally gets me. 2 stories:
When I was young and my teeth got loose, I would not pull them out. My mother actually had to lie to me, and tell me she was just going to look, but not pull, and then pull anyway. The thought terrified me, and I would just leave them until they fell completely out on their own.
More recently… I was watching my niece and nephews when Micah lost his first tooth. I freaked out a little. Went to the other side of the room, told him I didn’t want to see it, and called his parents. In the meantime, my 8 year old niece got a wet paper towel for him to hold in his mouth, and a ziploc bag for the tooth.
And that’s all I’m going to expound on the issue. I just can’t stand the thought of it. So again, no stories!
On October 3rd, I am having my wisdom teeth removed. In having this done, I am having to face some fears that I have. 3 major ones.
1) Teeth Issues - I don’t like to think about them too much.
2) Having to ask for help
3) Not being in complete control of my own person
I’m going to expound on each one of these this next week, because it’s too much to put all in one post.
And just so you know, I don’t want to hear any stories about wisdom teeth being removed. Refer to the next post on my fear of teeth issues. :D