What’s ok, and what’s not? Is the marketing and social networking that we do for ourselves, our churches, our ministries, really about God, or just about making ourselves look cool to the world or to other christians? And if it’s not about God, how do I need to respond to that, what changes do I need to make, if any, or am I being judgmental and expecting the church and the leaders of the church to be somehow above their humanness? No church or ministry is perfect, because no human is, and God does use us in our imperfection. So am I making a bigger deal of things than it needs to be?
This is something that I’ve been wrestling with A LOT lately, and honestly I’ve been avoiding actually dealing with it.
It’s something that’s been discussed in a general sense, I’m sure a lot of places, but I’ve been wrestling with it on a personal level, quite honestly for several years - I’ve just been avoiding making any decisions on the matter, cause I know it could possibly mean huge changes in my life, that I don’t really want to make on my own, or by myself.
It’s a question that cuts me to the core of who I am. I am a christian, I love the Lord, I love His people, and I have deep desires to serve and minister. I am also a designer, creativity is in my bones, and communication is something I’m good at. I’m proud of both of these things, and I don’t think either one needs to change at that basic level. But depending on how I answer the questions above, how these things are being fleshed out in my life, might need to change, and the thought of making that change on my own, by myself, is terrifying.
If I’m being honest, it’s one of the reasons that the end of my relationship with M has been hard for me. I realize that seems random, and unrelated, so let me explain. This question, and at least one other question I’ve been struggling with in a major way, were non-issues (in my mind) during my relationship with M. They were questions, that although existed, I just didn’t feel the pressure to answer, and I happily took my out to not deal with it.
M wasn’t really into blogging, twittering, and had no idea who a lot of the “celebrity christians” are. He really wasn’t about the flash for the most part, and he really did have a genuine love for people, and the Word. It was REFRESHING in a major way, and my assumption was (right or wrong) that the church he was apart of - that I would become a part of - must be the same way, and my brief experiences with that church seemed to back up my assumption.
After unpacking all of those thoughts, I realize there are some holes in my thinking, and that when you are assuming something you also tend to look for the evidence to back up your assumption, instead of being more objective. I realize now that this is a question I’m going to need to answer for myself no matter what. But I still long for the safety and security of not having to deal with it, and I still associate that safety and security with M.
So I’m going to try to make a commitment to answer these questions for myself, to make whatever changes might be necessary once I do have an answer. I’ll probably post more specifically about these questions, and I really do want feedback on it. If you are not comfortable posting your reply - send me an email to kristarae [at] gmail [dot] com.
Here goes nothing…