
Single at 30
I can’t say that I ever thought I’d be single still at age 30, but I am, and I don’t regret it, not that I wouldn’t like to be married (I very much would), but I’ve had opportunities and experiences being single thus far in life, that I cherish, and wouldn’t trade.
Most of the people that I interact with in my life have no idea what it’s like to be single and 30, so I just thought I’d share a few things here. Things that are hard about it and things that are great about it.
First, let me just say, being single at 30 is entirely different than being single in your 20’s, even mid to late 20’s. So, as a side note, if you haven’t experienced single at 30 for yourself, just know that it’s not the same, and it’s not likely to be helpful to share your own dating/waiting experiences from when you were in college – or even into your 20’s. So since many of you probably don’t realize that, I thought I’d just tell you. Not that you can’t be encouraging in other ways, you can and regularly do.
How is it different? Well, in some ways it’s better, and in other ways it’s harder. It’s better because I’ve grown and matured and am much more capable of processing things and dealing with issues than I used to be, and for that I am very thankful. When I was younger I didn’t trust God as well, and I wasn’t as grounded, so when something didn’t go well, it shook me up more so than it does now. I’m so glad that God uses experiences to grow and teach us, otherwise we’d never make it. The emotional rollercoaster that a relationship or even desire for a relationship can be, has become much more tame, more like a kiddy coaster than say the patriot, or what is that one ride at Worlds of Fun that spins you around and makes you go backwards? I’m getting sick just thinking about it. So anyway, I’ll take the kiddy coaster any day!
It’s harder for a few reasons, the pool of available/datable guys is shrinking, but so is the pool of close friends who are still single. I don’t have one close friend that is as old as I am, and still single, most of my friends have moved on even from the newly married stage to the baby-making stage. Now they are still some of the most amazing friends a girl could want, but there is something to be said for knowing others that are in the same life stage as you. I’m doing some things to hopefully remedy this, and find myself some single girlfriends, but again, it’s harder. I am however greatly blessed by a small handful of women that God has brought into my life that although married now, did not marry until their 30’s. They know, understand, and can relate in a way that others can’t, and I’m grateful. One such friend prayed for me last night, and I can’t tell you how much I needed that.
Another reason it’s harder is because all of a sudden out of nowhere, you have the biological clock factor. This little voice that reminds you that the older you get the more risky pregnancy will be, and you start realizing that you really want to be married for a couple of years before having kids, and that you had better get on the ball at finding someone, so you can have a family before it’s just too late.
Those are the ways that being single is different at 30. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to try and schedule a few posts on singleness, mostly things that I enjoy about being single, but perhaps also some thoughts on topics related to the single life. I’m hoping to keep it light mostly, but I’m sure a few thought provoking things will slip in. Please feel free to comment on what you might relate to or agree with, and what you might not.
Thanks for sharing.
“The emotional rollercoaster that a relationship or even desire for a relationship can be, has become much more tame, more like a kiddy coaster”
I sure hope so. I’m single at 25 and would love this least-favorite-part-of-being-single to diminish.
You know that I understand. Just wanted to leave you a post.
Very well said! I’m going to link to this post on my sidebar. (if it’s okay with you)
I can completely relate. I’m 33 and still single and my biological clock has started to tick a little more loudly the past 2-3 years.
Plus, I have NO single friends my age. Now that I think about it, I don’t have any single friends, they’re all in relationships. And it is hard to find single women my age to hang out and do stuff with.
I found you through TRS and totally recognize with what you are saying. I am 32 too and my clock is ticking so loudly I think small children hear it. There are so few people who recognize how different it is to be single and 30. Many single people say it’s always tough, and I agree. But I’ve been single and 25 and single and 30 and it is a whole different ball game. I also struggle with a lack of friendships but things are looking up. I look forward to reading more of your blog.
Great post! You really hit the nail on the head.
I found you through Single Solitary Things today, and I’ll be back!
Thanks for your post. As a 31 year old single woman who hears her biolgical time clock ticking so loudly she feels it may explode, this post was helfpul. It’s nice to know that there are others out there who feel the way that I do!
You nailed that one. I am 37 and divorced for 6 years. I have a boyfriend, but its not the same as being married. Believe me! We have not discussed marriage or anything like that. I don’t want to be dependent on him for a social life. After divorcing my ex, I quickly learned the importance of having my own network of friends. Most of my friends are married and starting families. I rarely see them. On the rare occasion I do see them, they can fit me in with their schedule. I have a few single friends, but they are busy with their lives. I will admit, I don’t have as many friends as I used to. I have tried making new friends, but its not the same once you hit your 30’s. I thought it was just me, but from reading the posts, I know I am not alone.
I definitely understand where you are coming from. I have been recently working on a book about this. I have all of these same struggles daily. I love my life and it is definitely amazing but the demographic of single men or even single women friends without children to even get together with is nearly zero! Check out my blog sometime: http://caliaroze.blogspot.com
Good luck in everything!
Just so you know, these feelings work both ways. After college, most of my close friends moved back to our hometown, stayed with their college or high school sweethearts, settled down, were married by 25 and now have at least one child. I instead decided to move to New York City and follow my career. I have had a few long term relationships, but my job always seemed to get in the way and they ended. I’ve since moved from NY to another metropolis (not my hometown) and now, I find myself at 29 longing for what my friends have, marriage and kids, stability and happiness. Being single at this age is no fun because for the first time in my life I am looking for “the one” rather than just having fun and seeing what happens. The longer I go without finding her, the more frustrating it gets. Some say that men don’t have a biological clock, but this guy does. I want to structure my life around a single person and build our clan. I’m past the bar scene and can’t yet bring myself to online dating. So to sum it all up? Being a single guy can be just as tough.
Oh, I hear you. Funny how priorities change–I used to want 6 kids, but had to come to firm grips with reality and learn to accept that, even if I do get married, I might not be able to have kids. Right now, at age 34, I’m just asking for 1. 1 husband, 1 child before I’m 40. That’s it. But, you know, I decided to be happy no matter what.
You wouldn’t think that there would be a huge difference between being single at 29 and being single at 30, but there really is. I’m definitely enjoying this time in my life. But the singleness of it is different. And while I love my 20-something friends, hearing them complain about their lack of relationships can be slightly annoying at times. Sometimes I just have to bite my tongue so I don’t come back with a snide remark about trying my life for a while.
I loved your write up. I am 30 and single. Every now and then I have a rough day and the last thing I want to hear is how it was hard for my married friend to when she was single at 24!!! Really liked your blog
Carrie
are you still single? i see this post was some time ago… i share the situation and the feeling. I hate when people ask, “Why havent you married?”… whats the correct answer? what are they especting me to say?
anyway, i pray for the the guy s gonna be by my side and for my peace if its not gonna happen…
thnks 4 the post, its always reconforting when you read someone sharing the feeling
same here. I’ve been having this feeling for quite a while…and its never comforting. I get my daily strength though prayers and i know all will just be fine soon.
37 y/o and last man standing here. All my good friends are off onto other areas of their lives. One of the worst things is that I work home office and live in a city where I really know nobody. It’s so much work to meet people this way. My social life is terrible and it’s just me and my little dog at this point. Thank God for her though. She’s there for me. To bad I can’t find the girl that makes my heart flutter…
I’m 30 and single. What’s more I have never had a relationship or even gone on a date. It gets much harder the older you get. I don’t have any single friends and have not for many years. they don’t understand how daunting it is when at my age you are still looking to get a start in the whole dating scene. I have no idea how it works nor of any of the unwritten rules or protocols within. I have decided that I will probably be single for the rest of my life and am preparing for that. I have set an age of 35. If I’m still single by then I will stop looking and accept it. I cannot let it interfere with the rest of my life.
Hi Krissie! I’m one of Matt’s friends from college here in KC until Saturday when I move to CO:) I saw your photography web site for India and as I looked around, this topic caught my eye. I used to go to the same church you do, so it looks like we might even have other friends in common:) Well, I had to post something as I’m 32 and single…I love it as it is totally a gift, and at the same time I desire the gift of marriage moreso now than I have before. You go girl! You are so right about how different it is and people’s comments can be encouraging, and they can also be ones that I have to immediately lift up to God and say “Oh Lord, if only they knew!” As a Marriage and Family Therapist, it’s quite interesting to be single and not have a family of my own, and be career/ministry minded. With a heart for women’s ministry and missions, I’ve been able to travel overseas a few times and really be undistracted in my devotion to Christ. I would not trade any of my experiences and the life He has given me as He is writing a unique story for each of us, and I love seeing it unfold:) I’ve dated different men who are all Christians (bless their heart) but none of them have been my soul mate. I’ve determined (by the grace of God) to not settle for less than God’s best and His plan. I’ve also come to know a sweet intimacy with God and find that until I meet that wonderful and godly man, then He is also my Husband. I am whole and complete in Him, so when Mr. Right comes around he will be a bonus. My prayer is that my focus and heart continues to be on becoming the right person moreso than finding the right one. By the daily grace of God, I will continue to save myself for him and only him. “God is enthralled by the beauty of a woman and calls her His beloved. He wildly pursues her heart with romance and intimacy to make her His beautiful bride.” Some day sister, we will know what it’s like to be a man’s bride and God’s bride–yay!!
Blessings and peace to you!
It is so comforting to know there are other strong, quality women out there in my same situation! After reading all the blogs I also feel just a tiny bit less “alone” in my singledom, so thanks! I’m 33 and single, feeling the intense pressure to find a quality guy soon, or forgo the possibility of having my own children. I was the homecoming queen in high school, so people seem to think it’s OK to constantly ask with wide, confused eyes, “why aren’t you married yet?” Hmm, so many responses come to mind, none the other person would like to hear! I pray for the strength to be happy with the life I’ve been given, as hard as that can be sometimes. Especially when surrounded by smug married couples! But I do keep my head up with pride knowing I could’ve settled many times, but instead stayed true to myself and what I want in a relationship. So to all of you single ladies out there, good luck! I hope we all get swept away by our knights in shining armor. Or, at the very least, find that caring person who brings out the best in you.
I loved your article. Im 30 and single and can totally relate.
All my friends are older, everyone is off in relationships doing there thing and I would love to meet a woman and have a relationship and children. Yet never seem to meet anyone, I am balanced, nice and attractive and the whole single and 30 thing is starting to annoy me.
I am male… but I feel the old biological clock ticking away as well.
I do not want to be an old man with children, and I wonder where all the time went. I can cope a lot better than my twenties but it seems difficult to find someone interested, loyal and wants a partnership for the future.
All my old friends I do not see or the ones I hear from are doing family things. I cannot say I am not envious.
Thank You
Loved your article – I too am 30 and single. Luckily, I live in LA where there are plenty of other women who are 30 and single so I at least still have a lot of girlfriends, but right when I turned 30, I lost my job and my father died and I ended up having this huge reaction to feminism all across the board. I decided I just wanted to be a housewife and mom and did not want to be a “man in a skirt” and have a really demanding career any longer. I had saved up enough to just concentrate on finding a man and hopefully move into a really feminine career. Well, that’s not panning out at all (I’m still so depressed from my father’s death) and I’m running out of money. So I might have to go back to a career that requires a lot of travel (because I now really need the money) and accept that I may have to wait until the next lifetime to have kids. Having a real belief in reincarnation actually does help alleviate the pain of that near imminent reality. If we miss the boat, there will be A LOT of us out there from what I can tell. Thanks feminism. Luckily Gen Y seems to be able to find more flexibility. I didn’t have that option when I went into my career. I try not to take life too seriously anymore. We’re all going to die and we don’t get more points for making this one anymore meaningful. Sad but true.
Thanks for the read. I am 30 and single as well. And finding other single people is hard. I have a lot of family obligations because I am still single… so my parents and single brothers demand more of my time. I am a beautiful, kind-hearted female with romantic prince charming notions when it comes to relationships. Perhaps that’s why I am still single. Every date I go on, I try my best to depend on my partner in regards to romantic gestures… like being as kindhearted as I am…. but I always feel so disappointed when it comes to men, that my expectations of them leave me void. I try to be hopeful, I really really do… but life as a 30yr old single woman has taught me to rely mainly on myself, which is very disconcerting, when I want and would like to need someone to share a partnership with. I am proud of myself for being independent, but a part of me wants that partnership bond with a male… It’s just hard, when you know what you want, yet nothing seems to fill in that void from the characters who are available at one’s door. And you don’t want to settle for just anyone.., because you’re lonely… damn you worked really hard to be a better person,and then when you’re more secure and confident with yourself… you’re mr. Prince Charming isn’t even there… Cest la vie…
Hey there, I am another 30 yr old single female. I have recently come out of an abusive 6 year relationship and although I know it’s for the best, i feel like I wasted my best years with someone I knew wasnt right for me, but I held on and kept going back to him. I lost alot of friends during this period and now feel really alone. I so agree with you on being single at 30 very different from single in your 20’s. I feel like I need to hurry up and find someone, but dont want to go into every date or meeting with a guy thinking ‘could this man be my future husband?’ it seems so desperate! But I can’t help thinking it and i was never like this in my 20’s at all! I just never thought my life would be like this, but I have found alot more strength, independence and confidence and I guess they are the positives. Just wish I didnt wait so damn long in my last relationship cause this is hard work
Hi all. I am 29 and still single and i love it. Just came out of really ignoring relationship and cant wait get on with my future
To be honest the older I get the more resentful I feel toward church and God. Through out my life I’ve been lead to believe that there was this one special person out there for me and I wasn’t to worry about finding her. God would bring us together and everything was to have a fairtale ending. Then you reach 30 and suddenly everyone stop saying those things. This has left me feeling very jaded. I’ve known for a while that was BS but once an idea like that is instilled in you it effects the dessions you make as an adult.
Now that I’m 31 and feeling largly what everyone else on this blog is feeling. I’m at a loss as to what to do. I’ve see women that would have like to have dated go out with guys who cheat on them, know it and still want to be with them. I’ve had a girls tell me how great of a guy I am and complain about their boyfriend. It seems to be true that it doesn’t pay to be the nice guy.
I’m sorry to rant so but it’s Christmas again without anyone for the Holidays.
Hello Krissie,
Thnak you for the read!
Today I created my own blog entitled 30,Arab and single and I m still building it:
http://30arabandsingle.blogspot.com/
I am from Lebanon and it is phenomena that is more and more found, in a society that still believes that it is the achievement of a lifetime…
I relate totally to what Rita says…
Yeah, I don’t believe in God so I don’t have the support structure at church. They say that is where to meet people but I don’t feel its right to go there knowing I don’t believe.
I’m a single male at 38. Getting scared….
thank you for the article, it helps a little bit to know there are others out there going through the same thing…
i turned 30 the other day, didn’t get any happy birthdays… it kinda woke me up… i dont know anyone who would say it though seeing as i work from home on my own company… software development, sit in front of a computer nearly all day, every day, 7 days a week… go out running once a day, groceries once a week, thats my life… i’d love to change the situation but don’t even know where to begin… used to have so many friends a decade ago.. before computers entered my life… if you want any semblance of a social life then stay away from this field is all i can advise…
I am totally in this situation. You are lucky to still have great friends, as a lot of my friends have ‘disappeared’ after marrying/having kids.
I only ever wanted to be a mom/housewife, yet I am now 30 (nearly 31) single, with a career, but no kids. As you say, it is tough dating, because I AM looking for a husband/father for my ‘potential kids’. Lately, I’ve had to start considering if parenthood is something I could/would do alone–a situation I never thought I would be in; however, I wonder if I don’t do it alone, if it will ever happen.
I now hate holidays. My family expects my to show up, like a 12-year-old, since I am ALONE, yet my married (younger) sister isn’t expected to be there. The whole thing has me reflecting back on men I dumped in the past wondering if I made the wrong call.
Dating in your 30s is definitely a whole new game. Assuming you can even find someone single, you now have to also decide, are you comfortable with someone who already has kids and would he even want another. I’m not sure how I ended up here, but I hate it.
Well I am 29 and single and I’m also gay and not out to most people. So you can imagine how wonderful that feels. You go through some rough days…. I have to sit and read all these facebook status about how happy people are and all that, and even though the real story might be something completely different, it still wears on me from time to time.
I wish I had someone to share my life with. I have so much love in my heart to give but I am still waking up alone each morning.
But, you know, in a weird way… I feel like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am starting to tackle the issue of accepting myself for who I am and trying to be a little bit more open and honest. Since I am single, I can travel and go where I want without being tied down. My career is finally starting to ramp up.
So, in summary, while it’s always hard to be 30-ish and single, sometimes it’s good to put things in perspective and focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t have.
hello. i share the same sentiment. In two weeks time, I will reach the dreaded the BIG 3-0 and I am afraid I am not ready to face the truth. My last relationship ended 7 years ago. This might shock everyone on here, but I didn’t date at all since then.. I tied myself with work, work, and more work.. I have no social life, and most of my friends have lives of their own now..I am so scared of not having someone to grow old with .. But I promise myself that I will be a different person when I reach my 30th birthday and will not avoid heartaches, pains, and other emotions that go with making myself available and visible in the dating scene again….I need your support and prayers as well.. God Bless
I really needed to read this today. I am 34 and still single. Today I went to yet another friend’s bridal shower, and it hit me. I never dreamed that I would be alone this long. And I can truly relate to how different it is to be single at this stage of life compared to my 20s. In my 20s, I had a church group of young adults I could fellowship with. But now, they are either married (with children) or have moved away – or both. And though I am still close to a few of them, I am painfully reminded at times at how different it is now. I truly feel like the last single girl in my little world. And I miss that fellowship with other single people. And at this stage, not only am I still praying for a husband, I have cast the net out farther to include finding single friends close to my age. Both are in short supply here. I recently struggled with my faith in God for a short time, but He showed me that there was still joy to be found in this season of life. I have put my full trust back in Him, but no longer have a church family at this point. I don’t believe it was intentional, but I had never felt like more of an outsider than I have in the last few years. If you weren’t a yound adult (under 30) or married with kids, or even single with kids – there really was no place for you to fit in. I was good enough for service, but no longer had the fellowship. It broke my heart. I want to find a church family again, but I have to admit at this point I’m a little gun shy. Can anyone else relate? Would love some guidance and especially prayer.
I turn 30 in 3-weeks and my 30 life crisis as I call it set in at 29. Single, lost my job and developed a marijuana habit to cope. I feel like after all the “right” preparations, I.e., finishing high school and college, employed by a fortune 500 company, not having babies out of wedlock and just a good girl in general, that I have lost at the game of life or I’m not woman enough because I don’t have a family. I feel like I’ve let them down. All my hs friends are married with kids. It’s just so depressing. And why? Thats my biggest hurdle. Why not me? I planned for better.
Hi Singletons out there!
I am so glad that I have found this blog. I am 29, about to be 30 in April, and my biological clock has just recently hit me like a ton of bricks! It’s like pretty much all I can think about. But, I guess, in a way it’s good because it it forcing me to grow up,and to not be so wishy-washy with my dating game. It’s like now, I know what I want, and if you don’t want the same things, then good bye. I am done playing games with guys, and I will know up front what they are about instead of dragging things on and on. I feel like I am gaining quite steadily the confidence and faith needed to stand up for what I want, and to not back down. I live in L.A., and even though there are lots of single men here, it seems like they don’t want to commit themselves into a serious relationship. And my girlfriends tell me that I need to start dating older men, which I agree, but even then they don’t want to commit and and have the kids and stuff! It’s like, do I need to move to a small town in the South or something? I don’t know. And it’s like, I want to go after my career, but I all I can think about having kids and being a mom! It’s getting pretty messy and slightly confusing for me, with tough decisions ahead, but I am going to start searching and fighting and clawing my way to form a life that I will truly be in love with…(hopefully!) Anyways, I see so many married couples who’s lives seem some what boring…I mean, it’s all husband and kids…that’s it! Where’s the music, art, politics..anything else??? Anyways, just wanted to rant on here, and say hi to everyone else. If anyone would like to talk in a personal email, I would love to do that.
Cheers to you all! And best of luck in your search for Mr. or Miss Right!
Erin
I’m a 29 year old single and it recently hit me that I’m going to be 30 and single soon. I’m glad to read your blog – finally people I can relate to! I had an abusive childhood, and a lot of my life til now was spent coping with and straightening out problems. I feel like I only just started to be “ready” for a relationship, in the sense that most people age 16 are ready… Given my childhood I don’t want to have children, but it worries me that I will not attract the kind of partner that I would like or that I deserve.
I just wish society understood – I’m fed up of people asking me why I’m still single, implying I’m gay (not that I have anything against gays btw) or acting as if me not being married is a big red flag which means they should tread carefully or avoid me altogether….
I live in Orange County. Here, you are supported by your parents from birth to 20. Then, you have 10 years to get a college degree, get a job, get married, and have a family. By the time you’re 30, you’re expected to raise your own family. That’s the norm.
Sadly, many of us aren’t so fortunate. For many of my friends, we might be on track to being married and having our first kid at 35. With economic instability and social inadequacy, it’s hard to get everything done by 30.
I wish I would have received better guidance growing up. I think that with the proper advice, I could have been married with child by 30.
I am 31 and single. I am glad I found this blog. I too have been presumed gay (no offense meant to those who are)- I am not. I am starting to think it is never going to happen for me and am ready to accept a solitary lifestyle. It is frustrating because I know what man is my type and if I find he too is interested in me I run away. stupid. Ah…nothing to say. I’m just really glad I was able to find this blog and read other comments that I could definitely relate to many of them.
Its funny, I’m 29, 30 this year and I find I’ve always focused on my career, not because it is “the driver” just that I never found someone who really wanted to settle down, who I really loved and God forbid I would let myself settle or be board so I’ve just kinda plugged along and enjoyed my career, but now hitting 30 I just feel like it’s not fair…I hate watching “How I met your mother” and hearing them talk about how girls over 30 are undateable… then my younger boyfriend always looks at me and laughs…but he’s just another wonderful guy, who I love very much, who doesn’t give a damn about marriage…what to do…I don’t know, but it certainly is nice to read a few posts by some confident women stuck in similar positions…
I am a male and 32 and I am going to stay single. Marriage and children is a dying way of life as men are increasingly opting out of this lifestyle. We get discriminated against in education, work and marraige, so we opt out of marriage. That is life.
Hi over there,
Hey, I’m happy to hear I’m not alone here. I’m 33 and still single and I can relate so much to all your comments!!
I’ve also been asked if I’m not a lesbian. To quote one of my best friends 0_o “But you do like guys, don’t you?” I mean, why do I HAVE TO be married and have children and all that? Not that I wouldn’t like to, but that’s not my main aim in life, and eventually if it happens, great! And if it doesn’t, no big deal! But the thing is that right now I don’t know if what I want is a boyfriend/husband, I just want a social life, for christ’s sake! I feel horribly lonely, since all my friends are married and have children (and broke, by the way), and the only socializing I can do with them is just going to their place and have a chat about their family, their children, problems with money… soooooooo fun 0_o. I just want some friends I can hang out with, I don’t know, go for a beer, go on holidays!!!! (I haven’t done it for ages ‘cos I don’t have anyone to go with)I mean, is it too much to ask?
Susan,
Its not too much to ask. I tried the single life for about 6mos then my clock pushed me to start dating a guy and well, let just say its now over. Its hard to find people that are single and have the same interests. I found a site called “meet-up.com” and there is a singles group in my area. I went to a dinner last year on valentines day and it was so much fun! You might look up a similiar group where you are. Make sure its a singles group and not a “dating group.” Kim
Hi single gals (and guys)!
While it’s nice to read everyones stories and know that I am not alone being single and 30, it’s still very rough for me sometimes. Number 23. Amanda- I am in the same boat- came out of a 7 year abusive relationship. Lost loads of friends and lost a lot of hope along the way. I am definitely more grounded and clear than I have ever been, but I seriously can’t believe I wasted my 20’s in a pain-filled, dead-end relationship. I am working on forgiving myself, that’s the hardest part. Plus I’m distraught because I don’t know how or where I am going to meet someone who is available and still normal! I am not ugly! Feel like the good ones are taken and life is passing me by. Sorry to be so down, really struggling today.
I just turned 30 and here I am browsing stuff about 30 and single and your blog was the first on the list… It is indeed good to have friends who understand…as your family pressure rises (as if the biological clock is’nt enough a pressure already..gee), they meant well of course they just want to see you settled down and have your own family…I always respond to them as if it’s nothing and even jokes about it…but I am worried but they did’nt need to know that… 30 and single women … keep your heads up high…we run the world!!!
I really enjoyed reading these posts. They are inspirational for me. I’m 33 and still single as well, but I also found that lots of married people are not happy. So my goal is not just being married, but to be happily married. I already know that one of my problems is that I live in a small town with not a lot of other young people to mingle with, but I’m not in a position to move right now because I’m committed to my job. So simply put, I have to be patient. I try to focus on other things even though I am aware of my age. But again the posts were very insirational to me and I was glad to hear other peoples’ stories on this topic.
I am 29 and single. I wasted 7 years of my youth with the wrong guy. I understand the idea of losing all your friends to their marriage, and their kids… they HAVE moved on… and let’s face it this is the reality behind being the last one standing. The pool of guys that are left aren’t great… they are either gay or the cheaters that messed up and still didn’t get it through their heads, why.
I guess I hang on to my faith just like you and realize that a life of solidarity is possible. People forget that marriage is a blessing… and that not everyone will experience true love in this lifetime.
all I know spud, is the fact that as I get older the more I learn. BOLLOCKS !!!! life teaches you individually, certainly as far as Im concerned. love cant leave once its reached no matter what and before you ask I am the pre-verbrial lumberjack! no really, I am a Lumberjack, and I hate Monty Python for the damage theyv,e done to my career. But you have one open box to give. The seal cant be replaced and the feelings can’t be put back inside no matter how tough you try to project yourself, forget the organanism as a person its literally each to their own spud and loneliness or a broken heart is more than tangible. all my thoughts IAIN
I’m 29 and single…I have a great job, work for the government and have been spending a lot of my alone time doing what I love…singing and pursuing my career in music. I’m a pretty girl and lots of people always tell me that I look so much younger than my age…which is great…except for the fact that I always attract guys in their younger 20’s who wanna do nothing but hit the bars and party and sleep around. Don’t get me wrong, i’m all for having a good time every now and then, but I am getting to a place where I want someone to care about me, sincerely. I used to think that I wanted to settle down and get married…but now my thought process is starting to change…and I think all I’d really like is to meet a nice guy that I can be in a loving, committed relationship with. I’m in no rush to run down the aisle or get engaged even. I just really wanna find a guy that will be my boyfriend and that I can do fun things with, share my heart with. My biggest fear is becoming jaded because honestly I think bitter people are just simply unattractive. I don’t think being bitter makes anything better in life. So, I keep an open heart, I keep the hope alive and I keep living life. It does get hard watching all of my friends get married, watching my sister of 20 be married, watching everyone else find “the one” but not me. It’s tough, believe me. I mean…I am an attractive girl. I’m tiny, petite, cute whatever, but for whatever reason it’s like guys don’t like me because i’m “so sweet” and they are used to dating girls that are…well for a lack of a better word…b******. They always tell me that they can’t get used to being with a girl that’s successful and is sweet and knows what she wants. It’s weird. I always walk away thinking..hmm..well maybe if I was more mean and demanding that would be more attractive? I dunno. Honestly…I’m chalking it up to…guys are just weird. And if being single means waiting for a guy to come along that says “you’re a sweet girl and I like you for you”…well, so be it. I spent years in an abusive/mean spirited relationship and refuse to be with anyone who can’t love me for me. I don’t do drugs/not an alcoholic and don’t have any kids. I live on my own and just live my life. I keep praying that one day I will find the right person. But I will say this…I spent the last four or five days with a guy that I tried or attempted to “settle” for. And, yeah. I’ll pass. Sitting on the couch while he smokes cigarettes (gross) and watches tv and does nothing is not the life I want for myself. If that’s what not being single looks like, I’ll take my single, happy, carefree life any day.
I am in my late twenties and I am single and happy. I recently wrote about being a single young woman http://www.purposedrivenambition.com/2013/08/why-am-i-still-single.html. It’s good to know that there are others who are happy as single people.
Hi, I just randomly stumbled across this blog, and I’m so glad I did! I’m still single at age 27, and even though I’ve dated a bit, sometimes I feel like it’s never gonna happen for me. I feel like I’m really awkward around men, and my insecurities keep me from really putting myself out there.
I’m really glad I read all these responses from other women facing similar situations, and I’m encouraged not to give up on love. It’s a plus to hear that the author has since been married, so there’s still hope out there!
I loved your article and can totally relate. I’m 29, 30 next April. I split up with my partner of 4 years two months ago and feel like my life has been turned upside down.
From thinking I had it all, an okay job and a great boyfriend who I could see myself having a family with to nothing. I admit I occasionally looked at single friends and thought I’m glad that I’ve settled down and that I’m not in their situation! If only I’d known that I myself would be in that position….
It’s heartening to see there are other people in a similar situation and I wish you all the best of luck in finding that special someone.
Thank you, for sharing your story. I am single at 30 and going through it all. I choose to get a masters degree before focusing on a husband and it’s true you start to think about your biological clock, a family and a husband. All my friends my age are married or married with children, so it hard to make friends and go out..
Your story was comforting thank you…
Hi all! Glad to know I’m not the only one in this boat! I’m 29 and got dumped a month and a half ago by the guy I thought I was going to marry. I moved out of my apartment and back home to save money for “our future” … But now that that future isn’t going to happen, I find myself a failure. I have a lot of friends (many of whom are still single due to them being a bit younger or going through similar experiences to mine), but I still compare myself. I have a great career…but I feel crappy living at home with my parents and being single at this age. I think right now I’m going to focus on what I CAN control, which is getting my own place…and hopefully the rest will fall into place.
Good luck on your journey, everyone.
Sigh…..where do I begin? I’m 29 years old, have a Masters degree and live in a small town in Florida. I have never had good luck with men and often feel that they have never taken my seriously. My issue, is that I keep meeting these selfish men, who want casual relationships; instead of a real commitment. My belief in God has changed just recently, and I’m feeling like there maybe no such thing as “true love.” I am always asking myself “when will it happen for me, when will it be my turn?” The sad part is that I cannot answer that question and I don’t have the answers. All of my friends from college are either married, or are in serious committed dating relationships with kids. I feel defeated and drained of energy, knowing that I am behind them in reaching that level. I’ve been through so many heart breaks and heard so many lies by men; that I don’t think I have any energy left to want or desire love. Anyway, I’m glad I’ve found this blog and I wish you all well.